Team Smith turns 3 -- a year of hope

I can't believe it's already our anniversary! I remember in the first year celebrating being married 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and finally a year. We've had so much going on in the past couple of months that BOTH of us let this anniversary sneak up on us.

So as I sat here today thinking about what year 3 held for us I am humbled, amazed, and thankful. I would say year three was characterized by three words: waiting, trusting, and most of all HOPING. We both really struggle to hope -- I think because it's easier to not hope, then to be disappointed. But this year we did a whole lot of hoping and it's been beautiful!

This time last year we were surrounded by friends who would soon be spread across the country. We truthfully had just finished a year of great sorrow and simply wanted to hope. Hope for trust in each other and the Lord. Hope for better exercise. Hope for healthy children. Hope for graduation. Hope for a call to ministry. Hope for a loving community.

Shortly after we started hoping for this pregnancy and it was so hard to hope.

We hoped for graduation day and it was glorious.

We hoped for the relationship of our best friends.

...and we were the best man and matron of honor

We hoped for the 12 week visit that said your babe is healthy and you can celebrate with friends and family -- we hoped for redemption

We hoped as we lived in FL only having each other and applying/interviewing for job after job not knowing what our next step was.

We hoped as we visited friends and family that we would be encouraged and refueled after being by ourselves for a couple months

We hoped and prayed (2.5 years!!) for close friends to know the Lord and now they do! What a testimony to the fact that God is at work and is using little old us. 

We hoped as we found out we were having a little girl!

We hoped as we moved in with your parents and you took a job in construction -- we hoped for a call to ministry some day, but for now we hoped for faithfulness in the jobs we were provided with.

We hoped as Christmas came and went that our little one would decide to come.

We hoped during this entire labor and delivery that we would make it through with a healthy mom and babe.

We hoped for Zoe Carolina -- for life

We hoped for sleep, schedules, and assurance that this baby would survive as we fumbled through learning to be parents.

We hoped with great joy that we would raise this beautiful girl together.

We hoped for weight gain and she weighed in with more than we hoped for

We hoped for moments to cherish that we were given such a great gift

I hoped for a babe that looked exactly like you -- fulfilled ;)

We hoped as you entered into the process of applying and interviewing -- we had gone through so much rejection the year before so this hope was difficult. Regardless we hoped and trusted and you were called to your dream job, working for RUF this summer!!

And just last weekend we hoped as one of your best friends baptized our sweet Zoe. We hope for a little one who loves the Lord and who is shepherded by a faithful church who vowed to do so.

Cam, I could never have asked God for a better life than one shared with you. Who would of thought the simple 20 year old RUF student, who hoped for a chance with her intern, would get to live out her dream. I love you to the moon and back, and back again!

A whole lotta change

I'll try to do a quick update through pictures:

It's getting warmer -- FINALLY!! Family walks will be happening much more frequently and I can't wait to exercise again. (famous last words)

My best friend from high school drove down for the weekend to see us and Zoe. She spoiled her rotten by buying her an entire 6 month wardrobe. 

We traveled to Jefferson City, TN to interview for the RUF job at Carson Newman. This was the only picture I took -- it's Zoe laying on the floor of our car. Delicious dinner and John Stone entertainment with committee members and spouses, Church at Redeemer - Knoxville, dinner and a tour around Jefferson City with current campus minister and wife, dinner with a great couple from the church who live in Jefferson City, large group, and hanging out with students. We loved the students and we were excited about this prospect. 

We received a call and we accepted! We're so excited to be working for RUF and specifically at Carson Newman! Tennessee, Team Smith is coming for you! A funny fact about Knoxville -- When I was 9ish my family drove to Knoxville for Thanksgiving with friends of ours. Something about it felt magical to me and ever since I've always said Knoxville is my dream location. 

Our sweet girl was welcomed into the Covenant family. It was so special to us to have Soren baptize Zoe and such a refueling weekend spent with close friends. 

Emma helped me find a baptism gown the day before Zoe was baptized for 9$!! I'm so cheap

It was beautiful and I cried like a big baby!

And for my own memory: 

-Soren baptized Zoe

-Alex Watlington (another sweet friend) preached out of Leviticus

- We sang "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" as Zoe was introduced to the church

- And for a funny memory: Zoe poop-sploded right before we walked up front

He will rejoice over you

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend and she described how she felt during the first moments of having a new baby: 

 "Lord, thank you for letting me be a mom!! I didn't even know I wanted it, and you've given me this AMAZING gift!"

I totally resonated with that statement, and for some reason thought about it ALL day. I could not get enough of Zoe yesterday! When Cam came home I started processing with him my thoughts from the day and had such an "ah ha" moment.

Zoe not only reminds me of the gospel daily, but she SHOWS me true things continuously! One of my favorite verses from college was Zephaniah 3:17.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

When I became a christian I really struggled to rest knowing "it is finished". Jesus already deemed me worthy to die for! He already became human on my behalf and died such a humiliating death -- for ME! This whole section of scripture that talks about the joy and restoration of Israel is beautiful and my daughter makes it come to life.

Cam's eyes are shut, but I love how nestled Zoe is in his arms

Every morning that we go in and wake Zoe, she gives us the biggest smiles and Cam and I can't get enough of it. We rejoice over her with such gladness! As she stretches those chubby cheeks to form a beautiful toothless grin -- she looks like us, well really Cam. She's "made in our image" and something about that feels so right. And when she starts those precious yawns and fusses because she's tired, we quiet her with comforting and loving arms. Zoe, I can't wait until the day you recognize the amazing-ness of a daddy that you have. I love watching Cam hold Zoe in his arms with a look that says, "You're the greatest thing I've ever made", and sings to her as he dances around lulling her to sleep.

She makes us "get it" in a completely new way. Our hearts never knew how much we could love a little person until now. And I feel like Zoe is a small representation of how the Lord looks at us, his children. When he created us in His image and said it is very good. When He promises to keep us and guide us, to protect us, to love us with an unconditional, steadfast love. And in passages like Zephaniah 3 where He rejoices over us with gladness and sings loudly in exultation.

I will never love Zoe as much as the Lord loves her -- and that not only humbles me, but it amazes me and comforts me.Thank you God for the gift of "life", for Zoe. Thank you for yet another reminder of your loving faithfulness to me and my husband, to my daughter, and to your people.

7 weeks in

A few new things to update this week. 

- We went to Jubilee (CCO's big conference)

- We listened to Dan Allender speak and thanked him in person for the influence he's had on our lives (AHmazing!)

- Zoe did so well on her first weekend away, and we were completely exhausted when we came home

- Zoe met her Uncle Chadd, Aunt Dena, and cousin Baylie 

- Zoe has been smiling at her fools of parents (we do anything, I mean anything to make that girl smile)

- Cam faithfully gets up every morning to remodel houses

- Zoe got valentines from her grandparents

- We are anticipating great things in our future job-wise

- Zoe goes to bed around 8pm, wakes up at 3/3:30 to eat, and wakes up again at 8am (thank you Jesus for a baby who sleeps well -- anyone who's close to me knows I needed that)

- We got to talk to Zac, Amy, and the kiddos on skype (so so miss them!)

- Cam's mom is here loving on Zoe for a couple days

- I've actually reached the point of being tired of snow, do you know how impossible of a statement that is for this FL girl?!

- I got to facetime my best friend on her 25th birthday!!

- Zoe and I have been listening to hymns during the day -- these have been good for my soul

- A friend came to eat cookies and drink coffee with me (my love language ;)) -- it's the little things people

I want to remember these giant feet

And LONG fingers

That smile keeps me going some days

So Zoe is basically a mini me of Cam, but see those forehead wrinkles? Those are MINE and I LOVE that she has them :)

Learning

A few thoughts from this past week:

1. Child-like wonder

Cam and I have close friends that have recently started exploring and diving into Christianity. Cam and I grin from ear to ear when talking to them and hear phrases like "Y'all are learning about parenthood while we learn about Jesus". Through these friends I'm learning to have a child-like wonder towards Christianity all over again. As they talk to us about books I read just a few years ago, I can't help but want to read them again. As I sing "Jesus loves you" to Zoe before she drifts off to sleep the phrase "for the bible tells me so" rings in my ears and a new longing emerges to remember and rediscover where the bible tells me so. And I'm now reading Mere Christianity (I know what a terrible PCAer to not have ever read C.S. Lewis' classic) because our friends read it and said they mentioned the idea of "Zoe" in it. (Zoe's name means life in Greek)

2. Time management/flexibility

I ate a big 'ol slice of humble pie today when I had to ask Cam to come home from work and help. Last week I felt so on top of things as I meal planned, cooked dinner, cared for Zoe, grocery shopped, and even had friends over to visit (in which of course I baked). Today I met a friend at the library which went well, but then I had to come home for a short hour and go back out for a doctors appointment. Zoe was not happy with her constant change of venue. I had no idea how this appointment was going to go until Cam called, heard our screaming child, and hurried home so I could run to my appointment. Lesson learned -- you are not super woman and your child is not that flexible.

3. Be still: 

This little one will only be little for so long -- trying to learn how to be still and enjoy her now instead of dreaming of the next phase. Snuggle more, shower less ;)

4. Heart expansion:

Things have not changed in the past week per say -- this guy is still super dad. My heart however seems to grow more and more for these two. When Zoe first came home with us I selfishly thought, you're going to take away my best friend. Now, 6 weeks in, we've become even better friends (Cam and I) and that stranger I brought home is OUR little girl. 

5. Embrace the girlishness:

Enough said...

Thanks Elly for her super fashionable outfit

6. Try new things:

This weekend Cam and I took Zoe for her first walk outside (bubble child due to the tundra that we live in) in the Ergo. We're headed to Pittsburgh this weekend for a conference and I'm hoping Zoe will learn to love the Ergo quickly. She fell asleep immediately, but I think it had something to do with all the extra padding from her snow suit surrounding her. 

Thanks mama for the awesome snow suit

And adorable hat

Cheers to a desire of constantly learning