3 Months and lots of pictures

When Cam and I got married my sweet friend painted a picture of "The Barn" so guests from our wedding could sign the edges. Cam and I decided then, that we wanted a painting that represents each place we live. Grandma Smith painted this from a lousy picture we gave her. It's amazing and floods me with memories of STL as I look at our first home together. I should note that we only lived in a tiny third story apartment of this house.

And now just a stream of pictures of the Zo-ster from the past couple weeks. Over the past month and really in the last two weeks, Zoe has started to develop a small bit of personality. Though I'm sure this will change and morph as she grows, it's neat to see now! 

She recognizes Cam and me now and looks to us for comfort. I noticed this when I brought her to the Doctor. As soon as our doctor started examining her, Zoe immediately looked around the room to find me. This weekend we had a ton of people in our home and though I'm sure she'll love being the center of attention some day, she looked for her daddy amidst the crowd.

I have a hunch we're going to have a sensitive little girl on our hands -- I can't quite explain it just yet, but time will tell. 

I do know she's growing! This little peanut head (40th percentile) was off the charts for her height! I love the tiny rolls she's accumulating as well.

Her babbling these days cracks me up. She just started this high pitch coo in the mornings when she's the happiest.

So far she's treated her parents well. This is the first week that she's really stealing our sleep. I think/hope it's just a growth spurt! I'm ready for the refreshed feeling after a babe has just slept the whole night through -- it's glorious!

I've enjoyed my time with her so far. Yesterday was the inaugural jog with our jogging stroller. Though it was only about 100 yards because I wasn't wearing the right gear, it made me long for runs as spring approaches. 

I love this quote from the chronicles of Narnia -- as Spring nears and Winter ends. What a beautiful longing...

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

Team Smith turns 3 -- a year of hope

I can't believe it's already our anniversary! I remember in the first year celebrating being married 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, and finally a year. We've had so much going on in the past couple of months that BOTH of us let this anniversary sneak up on us.

So as I sat here today thinking about what year 3 held for us I am humbled, amazed, and thankful. I would say year three was characterized by three words: waiting, trusting, and most of all HOPING. We both really struggle to hope -- I think because it's easier to not hope, then to be disappointed. But this year we did a whole lot of hoping and it's been beautiful!

This time last year we were surrounded by friends who would soon be spread across the country. We truthfully had just finished a year of great sorrow and simply wanted to hope. Hope for trust in each other and the Lord. Hope for better exercise. Hope for healthy children. Hope for graduation. Hope for a call to ministry. Hope for a loving community.

Shortly after we started hoping for this pregnancy and it was so hard to hope.

We hoped for graduation day and it was glorious.

We hoped for the relationship of our best friends.

...and we were the best man and matron of honor

We hoped for the 12 week visit that said your babe is healthy and you can celebrate with friends and family -- we hoped for redemption

We hoped as we lived in FL only having each other and applying/interviewing for job after job not knowing what our next step was.

We hoped as we visited friends and family that we would be encouraged and refueled after being by ourselves for a couple months

We hoped and prayed (2.5 years!!) for close friends to know the Lord and now they do! What a testimony to the fact that God is at work and is using little old us. 

We hoped as we found out we were having a little girl!

We hoped as we moved in with your parents and you took a job in construction -- we hoped for a call to ministry some day, but for now we hoped for faithfulness in the jobs we were provided with.

We hoped as Christmas came and went that our little one would decide to come.

We hoped during this entire labor and delivery that we would make it through with a healthy mom and babe.

We hoped for Zoe Carolina -- for life

We hoped for sleep, schedules, and assurance that this baby would survive as we fumbled through learning to be parents.

We hoped with great joy that we would raise this beautiful girl together.

We hoped for weight gain and she weighed in with more than we hoped for

We hoped for moments to cherish that we were given such a great gift

I hoped for a babe that looked exactly like you -- fulfilled ;)

We hoped as you entered into the process of applying and interviewing -- we had gone through so much rejection the year before so this hope was difficult. Regardless we hoped and trusted and you were called to your dream job, working for RUF this summer!!

And just last weekend we hoped as one of your best friends baptized our sweet Zoe. We hope for a little one who loves the Lord and who is shepherded by a faithful church who vowed to do so.

Cam, I could never have asked God for a better life than one shared with you. Who would of thought the simple 20 year old RUF student, who hoped for a chance with her intern, would get to live out her dream. I love you to the moon and back, and back again!

A whole lotta change

I'll try to do a quick update through pictures:

It's getting warmer -- FINALLY!! Family walks will be happening much more frequently and I can't wait to exercise again. (famous last words)

My best friend from high school drove down for the weekend to see us and Zoe. She spoiled her rotten by buying her an entire 6 month wardrobe. 

We traveled to Jefferson City, TN to interview for the RUF job at Carson Newman. This was the only picture I took -- it's Zoe laying on the floor of our car. Delicious dinner and John Stone entertainment with committee members and spouses, Church at Redeemer - Knoxville, dinner and a tour around Jefferson City with current campus minister and wife, dinner with a great couple from the church who live in Jefferson City, large group, and hanging out with students. We loved the students and we were excited about this prospect. 

We received a call and we accepted! We're so excited to be working for RUF and specifically at Carson Newman! Tennessee, Team Smith is coming for you! A funny fact about Knoxville -- When I was 9ish my family drove to Knoxville for Thanksgiving with friends of ours. Something about it felt magical to me and ever since I've always said Knoxville is my dream location. 

Our sweet girl was welcomed into the Covenant family. It was so special to us to have Soren baptize Zoe and such a refueling weekend spent with close friends. 

Emma helped me find a baptism gown the day before Zoe was baptized for 9$!! I'm so cheap

It was beautiful and I cried like a big baby!

And for my own memory: 

-Soren baptized Zoe

-Alex Watlington (another sweet friend) preached out of Leviticus

- We sang "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" as Zoe was introduced to the church

- And for a funny memory: Zoe poop-sploded right before we walked up front

He will rejoice over you

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend and she described how she felt during the first moments of having a new baby: 

 "Lord, thank you for letting me be a mom!! I didn't even know I wanted it, and you've given me this AMAZING gift!"

I totally resonated with that statement, and for some reason thought about it ALL day. I could not get enough of Zoe yesterday! When Cam came home I started processing with him my thoughts from the day and had such an "ah ha" moment.

Zoe not only reminds me of the gospel daily, but she SHOWS me true things continuously! One of my favorite verses from college was Zephaniah 3:17.

"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

When I became a christian I really struggled to rest knowing "it is finished". Jesus already deemed me worthy to die for! He already became human on my behalf and died such a humiliating death -- for ME! This whole section of scripture that talks about the joy and restoration of Israel is beautiful and my daughter makes it come to life.

Cam's eyes are shut, but I love how nestled Zoe is in his arms

Every morning that we go in and wake Zoe, she gives us the biggest smiles and Cam and I can't get enough of it. We rejoice over her with such gladness! As she stretches those chubby cheeks to form a beautiful toothless grin -- she looks like us, well really Cam. She's "made in our image" and something about that feels so right. And when she starts those precious yawns and fusses because she's tired, we quiet her with comforting and loving arms. Zoe, I can't wait until the day you recognize the amazing-ness of a daddy that you have. I love watching Cam hold Zoe in his arms with a look that says, "You're the greatest thing I've ever made", and sings to her as he dances around lulling her to sleep.

She makes us "get it" in a completely new way. Our hearts never knew how much we could love a little person until now. And I feel like Zoe is a small representation of how the Lord looks at us, his children. When he created us in His image and said it is very good. When He promises to keep us and guide us, to protect us, to love us with an unconditional, steadfast love. And in passages like Zephaniah 3 where He rejoices over us with gladness and sings loudly in exultation.

I will never love Zoe as much as the Lord loves her -- and that not only humbles me, but it amazes me and comforts me.Thank you God for the gift of "life", for Zoe. Thank you for yet another reminder of your loving faithfulness to me and my husband, to my daughter, and to your people.

7 weeks in

A few new things to update this week. 

- We went to Jubilee (CCO's big conference)

- We listened to Dan Allender speak and thanked him in person for the influence he's had on our lives (AHmazing!)

- Zoe did so well on her first weekend away, and we were completely exhausted when we came home

- Zoe met her Uncle Chadd, Aunt Dena, and cousin Baylie 

- Zoe has been smiling at her fools of parents (we do anything, I mean anything to make that girl smile)

- Cam faithfully gets up every morning to remodel houses

- Zoe got valentines from her grandparents

- We are anticipating great things in our future job-wise

- Zoe goes to bed around 8pm, wakes up at 3/3:30 to eat, and wakes up again at 8am (thank you Jesus for a baby who sleeps well -- anyone who's close to me knows I needed that)

- We got to talk to Zac, Amy, and the kiddos on skype (so so miss them!)

- Cam's mom is here loving on Zoe for a couple days

- I've actually reached the point of being tired of snow, do you know how impossible of a statement that is for this FL girl?!

- I got to facetime my best friend on her 25th birthday!!

- Zoe and I have been listening to hymns during the day -- these have been good for my soul

- A friend came to eat cookies and drink coffee with me (my love language ;)) -- it's the little things people

I want to remember these giant feet

And LONG fingers

That smile keeps me going some days

So Zoe is basically a mini me of Cam, but see those forehead wrinkles? Those are MINE and I LOVE that she has them :)