4 months -- Lucy

I'm a few days behind posting Lucy's 4 month photos. Things have been super busy this month! We moved into our new house (which I still need to take pictures of) and students have already moved on campus!

All that to say, I'm behind on Lucy's update!

Lucy is our finicky babe, but her smiles light up a room! She struggles to sleep, but she's so happy when she's awake so I guess I don't mind :). I'm crossing my fingers that we're through the 4 month sleep regression, and I may actually have a kid that takes a bink!

The girls are growing on each other. And by that I mean Lucy is growing on Zoe. haha. Zoe now wakes up every morning saying "CeCe" which means Lucy. Then she tells me "Aww baby cryin -- with a very concerned look on her face. We've also had our first of Zoe wanting to play with Lucy which meant she shoved Lucy's door open and "gently" patted her head until she woke up. Oh these girls are a handful and I wouldn't want it any other way.

We bought a double BOB back in December and I was nervous it would be a buy that was a waste of money. Not even close. The girls are in that stroller at least twice a day walking to campus with us. Being 2 blocks away has been such a sweet time for us to join Cam on campus as the fall gets going. We're thrilled our students are back and can't wait to see all of them soon!

Why my heart is sold to RUF

We have a lot of changes going on in our neck of the woods. We've been living in PA almost all summer, our sweet girls are getting older, we went to a marriage conference, we bought a house and moved into said house, we're painting and remodeling... Changes make me incredibly sentimental. If I had to take a guess as to why I'd say it's because change makes me stop and realize what I have or don't have already, and therefore what I'm gaining or losing with change.

And just when I thought this would be simply another update post on where our life is now, I realize it's so much more. This time in life feels like that moment in the Harry Potter books where you first realize the tiny details are making a story so beautiful you can't help but fall in love. (For all of you non Harry Potter people, just fill in the blank with your own book or movie that has great plot development). That moment in the movie where the main character gets a blank look on their face and you see them flashback through years of memories that brought them to this point.

Questions start developing with change: How in the world did I end up here? Who are these people with me? Where is this going? Am I going to make it?

But after a few minutes of my mind spiraling out of control, I realize there is an author in charge of my story that is giving me the most beautiful glimpses of what he's doing. And this is where my title comes in :Why my heart is sold to RUF.

8 years ago I moved 12 hours from everything I'd ever known. I moved into a dorm in the middle of nowhere South Carolina asking all of those questions above. Over the next 3.5 years I plunged myself into a campus ministry that I knew nothing about -- not because it was the flashiest or most "exciting" ministry, but because it felt like what a home should feel like. There was a campus minister whose family did life in the middle of nowhere SC because they cared about college students and they cared about the gospel. There were older students who knew my name every single time I showed up. There was music that at first totally turned me off, but eventually became the words I sang in the midst of sorrow and confusion. And most of all, this ministry taught about Jesus and His love for me. It was the first place that told me you don't have to work to be here. The first place that told me grace is free and the work you're trying to do has already been done, perfectly. This is a place for rest ... a place for those who have grown up in the church, and a place for those who are simply interested in asking questions. This is the place I became adopted as a daughter of a good King whose desire is to heal the broken and will stop at no cost to do so.

Towards the end of those 3.5 years I did as every college student does -- look for a job and plan for the future. Little did I know, that same campus ministry that stole my heart, also had a male intern who walked beside me as I learned about Jesus. He was a friend I grew to respect, and the one I found myself cheering on as he applied to seminary in hopes of doing vocational ministry. At the same time his heart grew for me and my story -- and in the jumble of a few weeks his internship ended, we started dating, and he left for seminary miles and miles away. 7 months later we were engaged, and 4 months after that we were married. Now this girl who just became a Christian 2 years prior was married to a seminarian and moving once again to a place very unknown.

We spent three years in seminary -- they were good, but such hard times. Change was happening left and right. At the end of our time in St. Louis, we eagerly applied and anxiously awaited the response from RUF. We waited in complete confusion for a year wondering did we make the right choice? Are we supposed to be doing something else? We have a tiny little girl now -- what does that mean for our future?

Fast forward a year and here we are. We moved our family to the middle of no where Tennessee for a job that we have to raise our own support to do. Why? Because our hearts our sold on what RUF is and does. My story has come full circle. We will settle into this new home where my girls will learn normal things like how to climb stairs, how to ride a bike, how to write their names... but they will also learn what it means to have college students in their home and space constantly. They will learn that daddy is out of the house 3 nights a week teaching those same students about Jesus and His love for them. They will learn that meals will be shared with others. They will learn that we travel a lot telling people about what we do and asking them to partner with us to care for those same students. They will learn how to love Jesus and do as Jesus does -- not perfectly, but beautiful messy way.

Suddenly this normal update post with pictures of the girls in our new home, has become a post of thankfulness for the details in our story and how RUF has played such a significant role through it all. I'm thankful for our little life now working for RUF and how it allows me to care for the "Kaela's" out there doing this crazy thing called college; searching for where they belong and who they belong to.

Lucy 3 months and PA summer

Shortly after Summer Conference I realized this was going to be a long summer by myself with the girls at home. Lucy has had issues (not eating, pooping, or sleeping) and I was completely overwhelmed with the thought of being by myself with the girls. So we made the decision to go to Cam's parent's house in PA. It's been really good for all of us. My in laws have helped tremendously with the girls, our friends have been great company, we've had a few date nights, and Cam has had options of where to study and prep for the semester!

Zoe is loving her time in PA. Aside from the undivided attention she gets from grandparents, she's been on many adventures around State College and is enjoying the beautiful PA summer weather. 

Cam and I have been on multiple date nights -- Seriously what a gift to these tired parents. One of our favorite past times is baseball and the very first week we were here Cam's parents watched the girls so we could have a night out watching a game. 

We've had lots of visitors since being here. Jeff and Sarah brought their little boy Luke and the bike carrier with them. Zoe's learning how to have friends ha! We love these friends of Cam's from college -- they care for us so well and are such great company.

We've had some great family time and I've even been able to start running (sloooowly). Cam's parents live on a golf course. One of Zoe's new "tricks" is to run straight for the green -- the picture below is from me returning from my run to Lucy crying and Zoe running straight for the green. So we took a selfie :)

These next couple pictures are of Lucy at 3 months. It's been pretty special to take her pictures in the same place we took Zoe's 3 month pictures. I'm slowly learning a lot from this little babe. She's been difficult from the get go (it may have something to do with having a big sister only 15 months older than her too). Since we've been in PA she's been a wonderful baby, but the lies creep in and tell me she's awful, our lives are going to be miserable forever, and I'm not worth anything since I can't even keep my babies from crying. 

This week I listened to an interview that mentioned the song "this little light of mine". The song was stuck in my head the rest of the day. So as I rocked Lucy before laying her down for a nap I subconsciously started sining this song to her.

As I realized the words I was singing (This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine -- Won't let Satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine) I started sobbing. Our little Lucy's name means light and those whispers that I've listened to are such lies.  The lies that I'm not good enough or Lucy isn't good enough. So this week I have started to fight for my little child of light and letting her shine. 

Lucy -- 2 Months

I have a pretty good feeling that my blog posts will be significantly less than when Zoe was a babe. In the very rare times that both girls are sleeping, I simply would rather do something else -- like shower and eat. 

This little one is giving us a run for our money. It's a good day in the life of Lucy if she eats and poops. She smiles and chats way more than Zoe ever did as a baby, but she is definitely our high maintenance babe! 

Next week we'll head to State College so Cam's parents can help me wrangle our two little ones. I'm looking forward to a PA summer and the company of family and friends. 

With the help of family and friends, Cam just got a brand new road bike. He loves it! Recently a sweet friend and her daughter came to stay with me so Cam could go help his brother move. I am so thankful for those girls and how they helped me. Cam came home grinning from ear to ear telling me about the great time he had with his brother riding their bikes around town. It put a smile on my face picturing those boys riding around like a couple of 10 year olds. 

Life is both incredibly busy and incredibly slow. In the summer we travel a ton visiting our supporters. It's a good break from the school year, but we definitely talk about our students a lot and are anxious to see them in August. Hopefully our next post will be one of us enjoying the company and help of our sweet state college people. 

Ordination Weekend

I think this is one of those occasions in life where you sit back and say it's ok I don't have a ton of pictures from this weekend because I was simply enjoying the moment. And it was completely crazy at our house all weekend -- in a good way!

In fact this isn't even my picture haha

I knew this weekend was going to be a big deal (hints inviting people from out of town), but until it actually happened I never knew how big. 

Saturday morning Cam was up bright and early with a smile on his face. This is a feat in and of itself. We are NOT morning people, but Cam knew his friends were coming and to him that's like Christmas morning as a 5 year old. Sweet friends from all over the country drove to our humble abode in the middle of the country to eat pizza, drink beer, and play yard games all day long. I haven't seen Cam enjoy himself so much in a good while. Friends from college, seminary, and family all hanging out together in our yard -- it was bliss. 

The next morning (Sunday) we woke up and prepared to head into Knoxville for the day. Our church is about 40 minutes away from us and we knew they were throwing a party for us after the service. This is also the first time we took both girls for an outing. It was pure chaos. Wake up. Feed the baby. Put her down for nap. Get Zoe dressed. Shower. Eat breakfast. Warm a bottle. Pack diapers. Pack extra clothes for everyone. Warm coffee. Chug a glass of water. Change baby. Load car. 2 pack n plays. 2 sound machines. A stroller. Half way through this process I had my hands over my face and just started laughing -- half afraid I would cry and half out of complete exhaustion. 

We get to the church and both girls are sleeping -- while I drop my over tired toddler off in the nursery the family carried Lucy in who still needed to be fed and then wrapped up and put to sleep. Again. I only include all of this because 1.) I want to remember it and 2.) it's applicable to the sermon that day.

As I stood walking in the back of the sanctuary trying to put Lucy to sleep John Stone begins on what I know will be a memorable sermon. He starts, with ministry is done in chaos, always chaos. Amen! I'm sold.

More than being a memorable John Stone sermon because he's telling crazy stories and jumping around the stage, it was memorable because it was vulnerable and honest. He used the passage of the last supper where Jesus tells his disciples you've been with me through it all and yet you're still going to fail. Satan wants to take you, but I have prayed for you and I'm going to give you a kingdom. Paraphrase curtesy of yours truly. He challenged Cam and I directly and by name to speak truth and to speak words of healing. And the only way to do this is to know we will absolutely screw up, but the beauty is knowing the ONLY thing we have to offer is Jesus loves us IN our brokenness, He's praying for us, and He has a kingdom for us. As John starts sobbing from the pulpit telling us that last piece I completely lost it. Sobbing both in the beauty and freedom of what he just said, and then realizing how many of our friends, family, and students were sitting there listening to the same thing. With us. 

Cam was installed as a minister of the gospel and I may have let out a scream/squeal that started an audience of laughter and applause. Goodness I'm proud to be his wife! I just couldn't believe that only 6 years prior I was actually hearing the good news of the gospel in my own RUF. How could I be sitting in a congregation, with my TWO beautiful girls, watching my husband, the new RUF campus minister take vows and accept a charge into ministry? As I walked forward with Lucy in the wrap and Zoe in my arms, tears of PURE joy streamed down my face as my husband served me communion for the first time. Yesterday was beautiful. 

We left the church and celebrated with family and friends at the beautiful Stone's house. It's a day I hope we never forget. And a day I hope, that as we reflect on it time and time again, will enable us to do ministry for years to come. 

Thank you to each one of you who came to watch and support us in this big moment of our lives. Those who drove from all around the country to our students and friends in Jeff City, to those who couldn't make it, but have been supporting us all along the way -- we love you and we're thankful for you. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. 

3 Weeks in with Lucy

Lucy Elouise Smith

8 lbs 12 ounces

21 inches long

April 7th 2015

Tuesday @ 3:50 pm 

Cam and I really wrestled with what to name our second little girl. We played with names we had as runner ups to Zoe and none of them seemed to fit. As I thought about Zoe's name and the meaning, "life", I really pushed for us to name our second a name that had equal significance. We searched and searched and finally I came across, Lucy. When I looked up the meaning, I knew it was the winner. Cam took some time to come around to the name, but eventually bought in. 

Lucy is our child of light. I love that our girls have names that represent two biblical themes that have have played such significant roles in our lives. 

Elouise: we desperately wanted a name that would represent St. Louis for Lucy's middle name. Carolina was perfect for Zoe, and I wanted to continue that theme of a place for their middle names. Eloise was a name on our list since we found out Zoe was a girl, but it wasn't until Cam mentioned a different spelling that I knew we had found the winner. E-Louis-E as in Louis for St. Louis. 

St. Louis was a place of many trials and great growth for Team Smith. When we talk about it now, Cam and I have nothing but fondness for the memories made there and the people who continue to greet us with open arms. 

And now we're 3 weeks in with two babies under 16 months. Life is kicking our tails right now. We love our girls, but this has got to be the hardest job I've ever had. Really, nothing else compares. I feel all kinds of guilty when friends and family ask how we're doing and I want to burst into tears and tell them I feel like I'm treading water all day and 5 pm rolls around and someone throws a baby to me -- while still treading water. I looked back at Zoe's 3 week post and man are we simply surviving right now. I'm so thankful for all of you who have told us you'll pray for us -- we need it. I NEED it!

All in all, Lucy has been a pretty average baby. She eats and sleeps which is more than a lot of moms can say -- so for that I am thankful. I am amazed by you mama's who have/had babies with colic, or reflux, or simply unhealthy babies. I'm confident there will be treasures in heaven for you!

We're taking life one step at a time, and honestly one hour at a time. Cam's ordination service is this weekend and I can't wait to celebrate the incredible accomplishment of my husband. Friends and family are traveling in to witness this great moment in our lives and he deserves every bit of applause. A week later we pack our bags, and our girls up, and head to Summer Conference. I may be crazy for taking two kiddos this young to summer conference, but hey if our life is already crazy, might as well be crazy at the beach with friends :)

My pace of life has slowed down and I'm trying my hardest to treasure some of the sweet moments. 

- Zoe saying "baby" any time she hears her sister

- Lucy's wide eyes that are so vulnerable and trusting

- Moments of silence during the night feedings

- Sweet friends making dinners and cleaning our house

- Family doting over our girls

- Sharing chocolate and ice cream with Zoe while Lucy sleeps

- Cam's mornings with Zoe

- Cam's incredible patience, tenderness, and stability

A little bit of everything

Life is about to get chaotic for us in just a few short days. Since Zoe was only born a little over a year ago I remember the newborn stage pretty clearly. This past week I've been waffling between wanting this child out of me already and then panicking at the thought of caring for two babies! Or so badly wanting to see this new little girl and then desperately wanting to soak up this time with just Zoe. So we're waffling -- A LOT! 

Here are some snap shots of life in the Jeff as of late ...

My very best friend and her husband (he's not too bad either) came to visit for an over night. I never even dreamed of how much the connection between my kiddo and these friends would mean to me.

We took a trip to St. Louis to see friends and introduce the newly exploring Zoe to some of our favorite places. She absolutely loved the zoo. 

The new book I'm reading -- it's fascinating!

The end of every day consists of some sort of treat -- I'm fully taking advantage of the whole "I'm 39 weeks pregnant" card. This particular one was photographed for my sonic loving friend back up north.

The Zo-ster has some new kicks that I love. She knows just where her shoes are and constantly asks to put them on and go outside. It's been a fun new stage of life!

We do a lot of "exploring" the driveway. She's got a weird thing with grass right now which is kind of a pain and really nice at the same time because she doesn't dare step foot off the driveway. 

While we were in St. Louis a sweet seminary wife took some pictures for us. Us Smiths are a little like animals in the winter -- we gather some extra pudge :)

This girl continues to grow! As soon as I get a decent amount of clothes in one size, she's moving into the next within a few weeks. We just bought her a new rash guard for Summer Conference since this one is far from covering her anymore. 

Our students only have 4 weeks left of class! I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by! 

We're still house hunting ... it's a slow, slow process in a tiny town that doesn't see much turn around. Literally there is not a house for us to even look at right now. 

Funny story: we've had our eye on a house that we loved, but weren't quite ready to pull the trigger on. After 3 months of considering we finally were prepared to make an offer. This house had been on the market for 200 days without a single offer! That morning, as we handed our letter of why these people should pick us to buy their house, our real estate agent told us another couple made an offer that morning way higher than we could ever offer. We were crushed -- I cried and probably threw a fit that rivals my 1 year old. Fast forward a week and Cam and I are sitting in the local coffee shop eating lunch. In walks a cute couple with a kid Zoe's age!! (When this happens in Jeff City you don't hesitate, you make friends) After a few minutes of talking to them we find out this couple is the one who made an offer on our beloved house. So now, once I can get over myself we'll be friends, but isn't that just a smack in the face! Really, what are the chances?

Cam's ordination service is quickly approaching and will be followed by Summer Conference. Hopefully I'll get someone to either take pictures or hold my children while I do! We've got a busy summer coming up, but I'm embracing it with open arms!